The Notebook

So on Thursday I came across my old notebook and couldn't help but feel nostalgic.

I read through every page of my messy writing and watched as how my life changed year after year starting from around 2007 when I lived in the town of Agassiz, B.C. I suppose you could say I cried quiet a bit while reading my notebook because yeah it has occurred to me that I have changed a lot. I don't think as pessimistically as I used to and I supposed now I'm more of an optimist than anything...that is most of thetime, occasionally I have relapses of my pessimistic thoughts. The front of my notebook is green with yellow tulips on it, very beautiful yet for some reason I insisted to ruin the beauty of the covers by writing things like

"Elaine's Diary Vol.1"

and

"For Bestfriends and Friends only."

Reading those things made me laugh, Why? Because it brought up memories of how hard I used to try to trust people actually forcing myself at times to let those who I considered 'friends' to actually take a peek into my notebook and what they did? Make not so hilarious comments and laugh wondering why I would write things like that. Frankly I don't trust many people, took me a while to realize that so I never let many people delve into my thoughts and such. Trust is an issue for me, always has been and I don't really think that problem will ever go away but unlike then I am more open to trusting people now because now I am more certain that they are my friends. Then again like then i believe its hard to know who are truely your friends.
I laughed and cried as I read through pages and pages of writing laughing whenever I had a crush on a boy and actually thought it was love or whenever I read about something minor that I go so excited about. It was obvious from the very first post I read that 2009 was the turning point in my life when I actually started seeing the world for what it actually was...or well in the least I became a bit more open minded and viewed the world fully instead of just seeing the world with a narrow-minded vision.
If there's one thing I've learned over the years through the experiences that I've gone through it's that although you may not notice the changes that you go through daily eventually you will realize that even though it is very small you have matured in one way or another.
I can't say that I learned lessons the easiest way possible but in the end all that matters is that I learned the lessons so I have to say I'm glad to have used my little notebook to vent whenever I was sad, angry or happy.

~Lainey

My Book List

So I've decided to get into reading a bit more :)
This is the list of books that I hope will grow soon that I've actually finished reading...

Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse/Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer
A Season Of Eden - J.M Warwick
Demon In My View - Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
Jessica's Guide To Dating On The Dark Side - Beth Fantaskey

~Lainey

Let Me Choose

There are days when I just want everyone to shut up. I mean lets face it it's much easier to get people to be quiet than to tune them out and deal with their blabbering. Sometimes I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling wondering what it would feel like to just stay in this room forever and be lost in my thoughts. Be able to decide everything for myself instead of having others telling me they want to this this instead of that or they want to do that instead of this.
-Sigh-
It's just tiring to have everyone wanting to give you their opinion on what they think you should do when you haven't asked them for their opinion =\
...Well thats my rant... basically I would just like some free space to go with my own choices and not what other's say...
Whoever reads this thanks for your time...

~Lainey

Seed of Life

We were all born so that we could have a chance at this wonderful thing called life. Yet we undermine it so much. People take the gift of life for granted and use it to their liking. Every human is like a seed. When placed in the right environment and taken care of it will grow, flourish and bloom into a beautiful flower or rise into a majestic tree. Yet when a seed is placed in the wrong environment it may not even get the chance to grow or receive that care that is needed for it to flourish.

We weren't given our bodies to use them for evil. Our bodies aren't tools for killing other people in the hopes of gaining some sick yet twisted self satisfaction. You are given one life and one chance to live it to the fullest then you hear of someone who was selfish enough to end their life because things may not be going well way before they barely started to live it. There are so many parents who would have easily been glad to have that person who committed suicides life to give to their own unborn child who passed away for one reason or another.

So the point of my rant is this. You are given one life and one chance to live it to the fullest. Will you use your life and your body for the good or will you become a bad seed who ends his or her life when someone who is deep in their graves at this moment would have used that life till their time was up.
Life is precious so don't take it for granted.

~Lainey