The Notebook

So on Thursday I came across my old notebook and couldn't help but feel nostalgic.

I read through every page of my messy writing and watched as how my life changed year after year starting from around 2007 when I lived in the town of Agassiz, B.C. I suppose you could say I cried quiet a bit while reading my notebook because yeah it has occurred to me that I have changed a lot. I don't think as pessimistically as I used to and I supposed now I'm more of an optimist than anything...that is most of thetime, occasionally I have relapses of my pessimistic thoughts. The front of my notebook is green with yellow tulips on it, very beautiful yet for some reason I insisted to ruin the beauty of the covers by writing things like

"Elaine's Diary Vol.1"

and

"For Bestfriends and Friends only."

Reading those things made me laugh, Why? Because it brought up memories of how hard I used to try to trust people actually forcing myself at times to let those who I considered 'friends' to actually take a peek into my notebook and what they did? Make not so hilarious comments and laugh wondering why I would write things like that. Frankly I don't trust many people, took me a while to realize that so I never let many people delve into my thoughts and such. Trust is an issue for me, always has been and I don't really think that problem will ever go away but unlike then I am more open to trusting people now because now I am more certain that they are my friends. Then again like then i believe its hard to know who are truely your friends.
I laughed and cried as I read through pages and pages of writing laughing whenever I had a crush on a boy and actually thought it was love or whenever I read about something minor that I go so excited about. It was obvious from the very first post I read that 2009 was the turning point in my life when I actually started seeing the world for what it actually was...or well in the least I became a bit more open minded and viewed the world fully instead of just seeing the world with a narrow-minded vision.
If there's one thing I've learned over the years through the experiences that I've gone through it's that although you may not notice the changes that you go through daily eventually you will realize that even though it is very small you have matured in one way or another.
I can't say that I learned lessons the easiest way possible but in the end all that matters is that I learned the lessons so I have to say I'm glad to have used my little notebook to vent whenever I was sad, angry or happy.

~Lainey